Haley, Cassel, Succop Stave Off Executioner: Go Crazy Folks, Go Crazy

So I was giving some serious consideration to doing a Whitlock-esque, “Team Grades” for the Chiefs at the quarter point of the season. You know, “Defense gets a ___ because of blah blah blah, Special Teams get a _____ for the following reasons.”

And then it hit me: Truthfully, no facet of this team would get anything above a low D-. Most would be F’s. After all, one 100% on a pop quiz doesn’t negate the fact that you haven’t handed in anything else the entire year.

But I’m tired of the negativity. Really, I am. It’s no more fun to ridicule this team with spiteful words than it is to read about it.

Therefore, I’m going to devote this column to positivity. And this weekend, there was a lot to be positive about. Let’s start with the Chiefs, and the season’s first triumphant win.

Take THAT, Minnesota: How the Game was Won

– Ryan Succop kicked like a champ. Five for five, two from 50 , including a career high 54 yarder. Probably saved his job in the process.

– Matt Cassel looked like last year’s vintage, midseason Cassel. Though still shaky at times, he limited his mental errors and even completed some impressive downfield bombs. He also showed a lot of passion… by cussing out his coach in a heated exchange on the sidelines.

– Defense bottled up Adrian Peterson in the second half. Never an easy task.

– The Vikings dropped several interceptions.

– Nobody was killed or seriously injured.

– Tamba Hali pressured Donovan McNabb consistently and came away with a few sacks.

– Chiefs had a lead for the first time all season, and even regained said lead twice. Who are these guys?

-Somebody gave Steve Breaston directions to the stadium and he responded accordingly. Nice to meet you, Steve!

– Dwayne Bowe quit letting passes hit him in the chest, choosing instead to catch them and then run with them.

– Javier Arenas had some nice, table-setting punt returns.

– Some random dude named ‘Keary Colbert’ showed up, doctored a jersey, snuck onto the field and managed to catch a few passes.

All in all, a solid all around win. Hopefully, this doesn’t come back to bite the Chiefs in the ‘Suck for Luck’ campaign. Minnesota needs a QB just as badly as they do.

How About Those Wildcats?

Look, they won’t run the table. And no, they probably won’t be in the national title game. But you’ve gotta hand it to Bill Snyder’s Wildcats for handling their business against Baylor’s explosive offense, led by superstar QB Robert Griffin III. And yeah, they did little to harm Griffin’s Heisman candidacy—and with two less touchdowns on the year (18) than incompletions (20), you bet it’s a real thing—but they got to him when it mattered, picking him off late in the 4th quarter of a tight game. 

This may be K-State’s first and last foray into the top 25, though, as October gets positively horrific. Next week, they host a rested Mizzou team, then traveling to Texas Tech and KU before finishing out the month in Norman. Enjoy this feeling while it lasts, Wildcat fans. Nobody can take this away from you.

Matt Moore Embarrasses You, Me, Everyone: What Was I Doing at His Age?

Imagine this: you’re 22. You’re a highly touted prospect for a solid major league team. There’s maybe a slight chip on your shoulder because you weren’t picked until the 8th round, but you’re affable enough because hey, you’re still a professional ballplayer.

And so you dazzle in the minor leagues, shooting through the ranks because you’re really, really good. Like, “you were only in your previous position for 92 innings” good.  And you get a late season call up and have a really outstanding start.

And then the skipper comes up and says, ‘Kid, here’s what we need you to do. We need you to start off this postseason series with the defending AL champs. And we’re not asking you to be Sandy Koufax, but we would like you to throw strikes and keep us in the game.”

So naturally, you crap your pants. But after you’ve cleaned yourself up, you take the mound and shut the Texas Rangers down, going seven innings, giving up no runs on two hits while striking out six and walking two.

Welcome to the big leagues, kid, I have a feeling you’re going to be pretty special.

Fans of the Big XII, Rejoice in the Misery of the Defectors

So long, Texas A&M. Have fun in the SEC. You’ve lost seven straight to your new conference, stretching all the way back to ’95. Oh, that huge come from behind loss to the Arkansas Razorbacks?  Yeah, you’re gonna get heaping helpings of that next year. .

And hello, there, Nebraska. We didn’t forget about you, either. Wisconsin is really good, and while there’s no shame in losing to them, you looked fantastically overmatched. In fact, you played like refried horse manure.  You’re going to struggle the rest of this season against the likes of Ohio State, Penn State, Iowa and Michigan. I’m going to laugh.

Today’s Winner:  LeBron James. Despite the lock out, and his lack of an NBA title, I was informed (repeatedly) during the Chiefs broadcast that he’d just won a McFlurry! And then later, a free order of fries! Nicely done, LeBron. It really is good to be king. Bada-dah-dah-da, I’m a gazillionaire!

Today’s Loser: Buffalo, Dallas and Philly. The Bills were up by two scores heading into the second half against the Bengals, the Cowboys were up by 24 in the third against the Lions and the Eagles were up by 20 midway through the third against the 49ers. All lost. Thanks for screwing up my picks, guys. Really cool.