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Regarding the recent KC mayor’s race poll that was leaked to TKC…
I’m not ready to say it’s a complete contrivance. But I will say it’s complete bullshit.
In case you haven’t seen it, the poll names Mark Funkhouser as the frontrunner. That’s deceptive because, in the crowded field, he’s leading with a pitiful 26 percent. It also says:
Dissatisfied with the current leadership, voters are looking to replace Mark Funkhouser in the mayor’s office: Mark Funkhouser is personally (40% favorable/54% unfavorable) and professionally (28% positive/72% negative) unpopular and more than 6 of 10 voters say they would definitely (40%) or probably (22%) vote for another candidate to replace him as mayor.
Some of that is probably true. For instance, the 72 percent unfavorable on his job performance.
But the 26 percent?
I’m not buying it. Because Funkhouser’s own political hack — Jeff Roe — conducted a poll recently that placed support for Funk in the mid-teens.
I know. That poll hasn’t showed up in the news. Roe revealed it to a handful of handpicked reporters in exchange for assurances that the info is completely off the record.
The TKCBS poll says, “The bottom line is this: Frustrated by a lack of progress on the part of the mayor and the city council, Kansas Citians are looking for someone new to take the helm at City Hall.”
That much is obvious.
But it goes on to say, “and Sly James emerges as an appealing successor. Voters are receptive to his candidacy and he is well-positioned to advance to the runoff on February 22nd.”
How?
He was in the low single digits a few months ago. He hasn’t done any advertising to speak of. Hasn’t shown up much in the news. What accounts for the rise?
The excrement of a male cow with horns, that’s what.
I would put more stock in the super-secret Roe poll, which claimed that Deb Hermann is running neck-and-neck with Funkhouser for the lead.
That makes sense because she sent out a clever and classy mailer a few weeks ago.
That’s not to say I believe the supposed implication of Roe’s findings: Funkhouser will make it through the primaries.
I don’t believe that’s going to happen.
There are three key voting areas in Kansas City politics: the Southwest Corridor, the Eastside and the Northland.
You have to win one of those in the primary the advance into the general election. And you have to win two in the general to become mayor.
Funk won’t win in the Southwest. He’s universally despised in his own neighborhood.
He won’t win on the Eastside because blacks don’t like him.
The only area Funk has a shot in is the Northland, and I’m positive he’s going to lose up there to either Hermann or Mike Burke, who are both Northlanders. There’s a good chance he’ll lose to both.
Here’s my prediction: Funkhouser will fair about as well in the primary as Katheryn Shields, who had strong name recognition but who also was indicted for mortgage fraud the same week that she filed her candidacy.
Home with the Funks
GLORIA: “Funk, get in here, your poll results are 72% negative!!”
THE MAYOR: “What?? I am playing Grand Theft Auto and its Level 5 baby! The FEDS are on their way!”
GLORIA: *under her breath* “Thats no shit.” *screaching* “Goddamnit Funk get in here, we gotta talk about this poll!!”
THE MAYOR: “Bullshit Gloria, I only have to watch you on the stripper pole on Fridays!! Its Thursday!!”
GLORIA: “That reminds me, did you pick up your Boner Pills?”
THE MAYOR: *walking into the kitchen* “Yes, I picked up the Boner Pills, but I gotta tell ya, they are makin me nauseous.”
GLORIA: “You need to drink more on Fridays, it will loosen you up. Are you hungry?”
THE MAYOR: “Why don’t we skip dinner tonight?”
GOLRIA: “Like hell, I’m as hungry as an Ethiopian Weight Watcher. Grab that box of Mac and cheese!”
THE MAYOR: *backs slowly away from the food cabinet* “Jeff told me my poll numbers are good, and if I carry the East Side, I will win the whole shooting match, er…, no pun intended.”
GLORIA: “You couldn’t carry the East side if you promised to re name Kansas City Louis Farrakhan Land and enslave the white race.”
THE MAYOR: “Then we gotta work on the North! Have Jeff put out a press release on Deb Herman. Something negative that will make folks think.”
GLORIA: “Way ahead of ya, I told him to spread rumors about her eating her young.”
THE MAYOR: *studies his shoes* “Ya know Gloria, its shit like that, that makes everyone hate us.”
GLORIA: “Funk, you don’t get it, its politics man. Total Art of War shit man, thats how this shit rolls now.”
THE MAYOR: “What?”
GLORIA: “Nothing. Hey I got that Homeless Dude with the Golden Voice on the phone this morning, he is going to do our YouTube voice overs from Rehab if we juice his ass with some Grey Goose. Its all about the Benjamins baby!”
THE MAYOR: *walking away* “I’m not hungry”
GLORIA: “Thats is fuckin tits dude! More for me!”
FELLOW BLOGGER WISES UP, NOTICES BOTELLO IS A LIAR
So it took you guys ages – I mean, three or four good years – but you finally figured out that what Tony Botello writes on his blog, unless it’s linked to some reputable source, is made up.
Good for you.
You didn’t blink an eye when he said that “sometime later this year The Star will stop publishing as many as three of their daily editions!!!” http://www.tonyskansascity.com/2009/01/tkc-exclusive-kansas-city-newspapers.html That was a lie. I defy anyone to call up McClatchy and just have them spill their business plans to a stranger.
Everybody played along when he produced this bogus “letter” from the mayor’s brother. http://www.tonyskansascity.com/2010/05/breaking-tkc-commenter-claims-hes-mayor.html So farfetched as to be laughable.
His bogus interviews, like the “interview” with the director of the Power and Light District, go unchallenged except by but a few. Somebody finally called him over his item about The Mayor’s Christmas Tree Fund not having any sponsors which, of course, he was lying about. When you have to craft a big post about how credible you are? http://www.tonyskansascity.com/2010/11/tkc-exclusive-taking-apart-mayor-funkys.html … Then someone has a credibility problem.
Well done, Joe. Yeah, about time, but well done anyway. Stick with it. Expose Tony for the horrible, self-serving race card playing liar that he is.
Now if you could get Hearne to quit making stuff up about The Star, then we’d be in business, wouldn’t we?
SAY IT AIN’T SO
Botello, a liar?
ONLY EVERY TIME.
do not dismiss the funk
I like the Funk. He has straightened up his early tenure PR problems. Good public servant. We’ll see how bad he does.
JAMES WILL WIN
i’m right about 80% of the time….and james is going to cash in on the
obama supporters who came out in prez election. He’ll get big cash..
does kc need an ambulance chaser…..can’t be worse than “lurch” whos in there now.
Chuck–you da man!
I so needed a laugh this morning. Love your dialogue.
When the Beverly Hillbillies are ousted from KCMO gummint, who should play them on TV?
You are a great comic writer, Chuck.
And props to KCC for publishing Jeff Roe’s picture!
Is that a first? I think so.
Come on, Hearne–put in some photo captions.
My question is, I’ve heard Jeff Roe’s guy quit the Funk campaign. So, how much credibility is there in a poll leaked by Jeff? Against Da Funk? And is Roe going to be like Pat Gray and work TWO opposing campaigns at the same time?
🙂
🙂