Tony: Top 5 Reasons Not To Support A Benefit By The Star

I’ve always believed that helping people was a waste of time and that most charitable endeavors by media organizations were merely an attempt to pander.

And as The Dead Tree Version Of The Star circles the toilet bowl of history I notice that there are more efforts aimed at charity from the institution. Their latest effort seems somewhat righteous at first glance but I’ve found reasons and excuses that potential givers can use to bow out and spend the cash on themselves without suffering a blow to their consciences.

Let’s get into the dirty details, shall we?

An upcoming benefit will establish The Lauren Chapin Memorial Scholarships at Johnson County Community College. Sounds nice, right? There is no doubt she was beloved and her death was tragic and untimely.

Nevertheless, because I’m the only dude in Kansas City who wants to save you money. Here are some excuses to weasel out of giving:

1. Folks at The Star loved her but also complained that the former food critic wasn’t that good – C’mon, now that she’s dead don’t cop out of what you all used to say about her behind her back. Off the record EVERYBODY used to note that her restaurant reviews ways strained credulity as far as “journalistic principal” and other lame principles preached but not practiced by The Star. Word is, she announced her presence, played favorites and had a great many enemies on the local restaurant scene.

2. Why The JCCC? – Once again Star elitism would rather benefit their neighborhood than help people in the part of town for which their paper is named. On general principal for folks in KC Proper. This is reason enough to hold on to your wallet.

3. Wouldn’t the money be better spent on helping laid off and furloughed Star employees who are still alive and struggling? It’s a cruel world and those still occupying it are struggling. Chapin’s earthly troubles are no more; she’s in the sweet hereafter. But I can name at least half a dozen former Star employees who could use a hand out from the institution who left them out in the cold.

4. No reason to support back slapping – These charity deals are always schmooze fests. If you must, write out a check and skip the lame event. It’s mostly about corporate types making themselves feel better anyway.

5. No Charity until The Star begins to cut management – Seriously, the Star is mostly managers now while veteran reporters are out in the cold. And as long as Jene