Tony: Hurry and Break Up Before Valentine’s Day

My work on the Internet is mostly about public service. To wit, I want to advise any unlucky soul in a committed relationship that the opportunity to undertake a “righteous” break up before Valentine’s Day is slowly ending.

Sure, any d-bag can dump his significant other on the day before V-Day and earn a horrible reputation and possibly miss out on the opportunity to bang the friends of said significant other. But it takes real talent to end a romantic relationship and at least pretend to do it on good terms.

Getting rid of a significant other well before Valentine’s Day is a must to maintain even a modicum of dignity. Why? Well, for one thing the meaningless holiday invented by local corporate tree killer Hallmark and a bunch of people selling overpriced flowers is made for making promises that were never intended to be kept.

Again, the signs of impending V-Day Doom are everywhere. Take note:

Kiss & Tail is An Adults-only Valentine Saturday Event at the Kansas City Zoo and, unless there’s a good old fashioned Mexican “Donkey Show” it sounds completely boring and worth breaking up with the love of your life.

Kansas City’s about.com blog features the Top Seven Things to Do For Your Sweetie This Valentine’s Day and rest assured at least five of them will be completely unappreciated.

INK Magazine also features some Valentine’s events that prove the next generation is still every bit as clueless as the last when it comes to substituting money for love.

So, telling a significant other to hit the road by the end of this week is the right thing to do in order to maintain a good public image, keep the door open for future sexual opportunities and make sure that your money doesn’t go to corporate schemes under the guise of love.

Tony Botello